Love for a Reason
by Rakshar
Summary: Angel is confronted for one final explination


Disclaimer: BTVS and Angel are sole property of Joss Whendon, WB and possibley some other persons, I wouldn't know... only a niny would sue me for this.

Timeline: End of 4th season BTVS and 1st season ATS.

Love for a Reason

By: Rakshar

The streets of LA were silent. Only the faint sound of a car passing by could be heard as it sped quickly through the darker side of town. Not many would want to spend time there, especially at night when the darkness followed the silence, creeping in and claiming the allies for itself. Even though the light from the dim lamps of the streets battled against the darkness they could never banish it. The darkness would always find a place to hide in the allies, if behind a pile of boxes or a mound of trash and keep it's claim on it's victims. Many found the darkness waiting for them here and were swallowed by it, consumed by the predators that used it as their cover. Rarely did anyone survive the dangers waiting for them here, and the few that lived here did so with no other choice. Only one to name had come here by his own free will, searching for the darkness. Only one could fight and it and win. And that one was out walking the streets searching for some sort of peace in it's quiet.

Angel's footsteps fell quietly on the crumbling asphalt beneath him. As was most of his hand chosen walkways in this area, they were old and worn and bared no markings. His paths were the ones he chose himself and damn him if they weren't confusing at times. Eyeing the scenery around him carefully, Angel did not care for the small discernable marks that could lead him back, but searched for the ones that warned him of what was to come. An attack predicted a moment earlier could also predict its outcome. Slowing his pace to almost a complete stop Angel craned his head forward and listened. Finding a sound he was looking for was the easiest thing he could do, especially since his vampiric hearing was sharper than any other's needles to say that of man's aswell. While the irritable sound of scratching and squeaking annoyed and disgusted most, the sound of rats up to their nightly business was a welcome and comforting sound for Angel. So long as he could hear rats there were fewer chances that vampires were nesting in the area. Directing his look to where he isolated the sound, Angel glanced at a pile of garbage on his left making sure the rats were not feasting on the remains of someone or something. As he neared the rodent's feeding frenzy, one of the notably larger ones picked up on his scent in the air current. Squeaking madly as if it were a toy, it and the other rats ran for cover. Angel froze instantly and watch them scatter and vanish. "Sorry." He whispered at the ground and turned away. As he did so, Angel took the rat's lead and sniffed the air. Nothing but the stench of filth being carried by the currents of air that pushed them up from the sewer ducts. The night seemed calm. Angel flexed the muscles in his arms and hands making sure that nothing was tiring or stiff. Subconsciously he tested his jaw, as would a vampire. Realizing his actions Angel closed his mouth. It was those little things he couldn't do anything against that upset him the most, especially the idle jaw testing since it pointed out what he could not help. Despite the fact that Angel was readying himself, he put his hands into the pockets of his long overcoat. How odd that the cold night air would bother him. Angel resumed his strolling but this time let his eyes wander to the ground in front of him. His thoughts, too, wandered as they well often did bringing out old memories. His deep set eyes hidden in the shadows of his face seemingly closed, and his mouth opening and closing slightly as he tested his jaw made him look like a dreaming sleepwalker. Vivid as they were, at times Angel felt as if some of his memories were just that; dreams, some coming back to haunt him and others a wish he dared only dream off. As if suddenly conscious to his surroundings, Angel heard the sound of rattling metal and noticed that he was nearing a tall fence. Slowing his pace to a stop, Angel let his eyes lead his head upwards as he looked at the top of the fence. After a few moments pause, Angel diverted his gaze downward and began searching the fence for an opening. Seeing no way of overcoming this obstacle easier than climbing over it, Angel turned around slowly letting his expressionless gaze wander on the fence a little longer as if he dreaded it's presence. Angel rounded the first corner he came to and stopped short. Looking at the wall in front of him it was almost as if he sighed. He had come to a dead end. Sorrowfully, Angel looked over his right shoulder back to where he had come from as if it were miles away. "No easy way of getting out of this one." came a voice from behind his left side. Angel turned to confront the speaker as if he had been of aware of their presence, yet he could not mask the surprise and wonder in his eyes. Standing in the only light cast into the ally by the street's lamp, Buffy leaned her head against the wall. "Hi." she said quietly and smiled faintly. As if in a daze, Angel took a step toward her. "Buffy?" he exclaimed more than asked. "That's me." she shrugged sweetly. It took Angel a few milliseconds to recover. "What are... Is their trouble?" he asked confused, knowing that had there been, he would have been able to feel the urgency coming from her. "Nope." she said and shook her head lightly. Angel quickly looked her up and down, trying to find a hint of what she was doing here. She was wearing her black sweat-shorts and a purple tank top. No blood, no wounds. Her hands were folded over her chest. No weapons. He looked at her face. Her hair was braided, her eyes were tired, and she was giving him a quirky smile. "What are you doing here?" he asked quietly and took one step closer. Buffy rolled her eyes upward in thought. "Brisk evening jog." she answered and then added matter-of-factly with a nod "L.A air is good for you." Angel studied her face. "How did you find me?" he finally asked. Buffy shrugged. "Vampire goes one way, rats go the other." A moment of silence passed between the two. Angel looked down in thought, trying to form his next question accurately but Buffy beat him to it. "So how are we going to get around this?" she asked looking over at the ally leading to the metal fence. Angel raised his head but didn't look at her directly. "We go around it." he said. Hearing no objection, Angel slowly began walking and passed Buffy. Buffy turned and matched his pace, looking forward the whole time. Angel too, couldn't seem to bring himself to look her in the face. Turning the corner, Buffy and Angel walked side by side, Angel slowing his pace so Buffy could keep up and Buffy picking her pace up so that Angel could stride more comfortably. After a few more moments silence, Angel side-glanced Buffy before asking almost sadly "What are you doing here?". Buffy seemed to be trying to cope with an inner battle as she looked around at the ally. "I came because I needed to talk to you." she finally said in defeat her voice betraying her exterior. Angel continued to look at her from the corner of his eye, worry slowly taking its place in his face. Buffy looked at him squarely. "I need to know if everything is ok." Angel stopped and faced her. "I mean between us." she added looking directly at him. Angel concentrated, looking at Buffy strait in the eye. "I mean," she explained as she turned and continued walking "I know that we didn't mesh for a while, and things were kinda weird, but we did the make-up thing..." Angel walked by Buffy's side looking and listening to her intently as she searched for the right words. "I just wanted to make sure." she finished, lowering her eyes in defeat. Angel, who had begun slouching down to hear her, straitened up with a questioning look. "I..." he began with a slightly baffled tone "I thought it was clear..." Angel tried searching for what to say but couldn't come up with anything more. "No, I know..." Buffy responded confused and put a hand over her eyes. Angel opened his mouth to say something but couldn't find the words. Sheepishly he lowered his head and they both turned another corner. Buffy took in a deep breath. "Angel? Why did you leave?" Angel froze after the words left her mouth. Buffy let her hand fall to her side and looked away from him. He knew what she meant and wasn't going to act like he didn't. "I already told you." he said quietly. Buffy took a few steps forward and stopped when she saw that Angel wasn't with her. Buffy's breathing was beginning to get labored as she felt all that repressed pain coming back. "Was I so wrong for you?" She asked feeling a lump in her throat. Angel's expression became grave. "Buffy," he said sternly and softened his tone when he saw her flinch at her name. "I already told you why." Buffy turned to face Angel. He could see the pain on her and the despair in her eyes. "Those reasons were all nice and pretty for a normal girl." she said looking at him and then added in disgust "I'm not normal." Something about her last sentence shook Angel. Taking a moment's pause to gather himself, Angel explained. "I couldn't do that to you." Buffy breathed out in frustration. "What couldn't you do to me Angel? Love me?..." Angel's anger rose at that remark. "I always loved you and I never stopped." he snapped at her. Her attention was completely his. "But until I dealt with my guilt I could never do it properly…" Angel could see the tears welling up in Buffy's eyes. "...and that's what I couldn't do to you." he finished. Buffy swallowed hard and took in a few deep breaths that didn't calm her as much as she hoped. "I needed to deal with myself, by myself Buffy." Angel added. Buffy crossed her arms over her stomach. "And you didn't think I would understand if you asked me?" she said painfully. Angel took his hands out of his pockets and began rubbing his fingers down the side of one palm. Looking down at them he hid his face from her. "I knew you Buffy." he said sadly. "I knew you loved me so much you wouldn't let me face that much pain alone." Even though Angel hadn't moved, his posture somehow seemed ashamed. "I couldn't ask you to do something that I knew you were against." Buffy smiled sadly at his words. Her smile slowly faded. "But why did you leave me?" she asked, emphasizing her last word. Angel closed his eyes tightly. "Because...because I didn't know how long it would take." he said. Angel raised his head and Buffy could see the tears in his eyes. "If it took a life time or not, how could I ask you to wait for me?" Buffy could feel her heart breaking in time with Angel's. "If I asked, you would have waited till the end... and I couldn't do that to you." Buffy wiped her cheeks with her palm. "Do you know what it's like not knowing?" she asked him. "Not knowing if it was your fault or not? Not knowing if it was something you did, something you said?" Angel shook his head sorrowfully. "What it's like to replay every moment in your head over and over again, analyzing every word you said, agonizing over the mistakes that you think you made?" she went on tears streaming down her face. "I loved you so much, I still love you. Didn't you think I could had disserved more credit?" she asked her voice breaking. Angel was already sobbing quietly. "I still love you Buffy, please." he begged. "Buffy, I am so sorry..." Angel opened his eyes and looked up into an empty ally. Through a wall of tears Angel began looking around, panic settling in. Where did she go? "Buffy?" he asked. Franticly searching for a plausible escape route, Angel called out her name again. "Buffy?" Hearing nothing Angel strode over to where she had been standing. "Buffy?!" he cried out again. Only his echo answered. Angel could feel the cool night air already spreading her scent. Buffy had left. 


End file.
